Discover how to overcome people-pleasing behavior and embrace your true self. In this blog post, we will explore the fear of losing people in our lives and the journey of breaking free from people-pleasing, despite the potential loss of certain relationships. Learn practical steps to stop being a people-pleaser and understand the origins of this behavior.
1- People Pleasers
People pleasers are individuals who prioritize the needs and desires of others, often at the expense of their own well-being. As a parent, I noticed the convenience of having my child listen to me, follow my instructions, and avoid defiance or backtalk. In doing so, we unintentionally shape them to fit our expectations for our convenience. However, I’ve come to realize that this pattern mirrors how I was raised and serves as an area I need to address personally.
2- When I Stopped Being a People Pleaser?
When I made the decision to stop being a people pleaser, I experienced a significant change in my relationships. Friends and loved ones started to notice the difference in me, triggering their own fears. This fear stems from their perception of me standing up for myself, asserting my identity, and protecting my confidence and self-esteem. It’s in these moments that people tend to step back, and the fears of rejection, failure, loneliness, abandonment, losing people, and being alone are activated. These fears are deeply rooted in core beliefs formed during our childhood.
3 how when and where we become ’convenient’
3.1 What does convenient mean?
Convenience, in the context of people pleasing, refers to the behavior of prioritizing other people’s desires while neglecting our own. This tendency leads us to apologize for things we didn’t do, overthink our interactions, and blame ourselves unnecessarily. These actions create tension in our subconscious mind, perpetuating a cycle of stress and fear. Unfortunately, we may not even realize the toll this tension takes on our well-being until our bodies begin to exhibit symptoms like burnout, exhaustion, fatigue, or even physical illnesses such as autoimmune diseases resulting from chronic self-rejection and tension.
When we enter this world as children, we inherently believe in our worth and act based on our desires. However, as our families and caregivers shape us, our flexible minds can become doubtful, confused, and conflicted. These experiences gradually instill the belief that we are not enough and must do everything possible to fit in, particularly within our family dynamic and social groups.
4 What phases usually people use to manipulate us?
Manipulators, whether they are caregivers, parents, teachers, coaches, or future partners, often employ certain phrases to mold us into being convenient people pleasers. They downplay our concerns with statements like “it’s all in your head” or “don’t make it a big deal.” These phrases gradually sow doubt in a child’s ability to perceive the world accurately, leading them to question their own judgment. Over time, the child internalizes the belief that they are at fault, especially when faced with blame, criticism, and judgment. These manipulative tactics confuse the child’s emotions and feelings, driving them to please others and neglect their own needs in fear of rejection.
4.1 first we form the confusion of the mind
Initially, this manipulation results in a confused mind and inner conflict. The child desires to be true to themselves but feels unable to do so. This leads to helplessness, as they recognize their lack of control and dependence on others. Without someone to protect them, a sense of hopelessness takes hold, making the child believe they are alone and powerless. Unfortunately, people pleasers become prime targets for manipulators and narcissists, who further exploit their desire to please and devalue their psyche.
4.2 We start to believe that that’s going to be like FOREVER
As children, our subconscious minds perceive these circumstances as permanent. The harmful and limiting belief that “it’s going to be like that forever” takes root. Even as adults, the subconscious mind may hold onto this belief, making it challenging to break free from the cycle of people pleasing. This false notion of permanence creates a sense of hopelessness and resistance to change, making it crucial to address and reframe these beliefs.
5 How to stop being a people pleaser?
Learn practical ways to break free from the habit of people pleasing and live a more fulfilling life. Overcome the negative impacts of people pleasing and embrace your true self with these helpful tips.
5.1 Define the price you are playing for pleasing others
Discover the true price you pay for constantly seeking others’ approval. Contrary to common belief, not pleasing people doesn’t equate to disrespect. Challenge childhood conditioning and take a moment to write down the actual costs of people pleasing. This includes suppressing your true self, stifling self-expression, and falling under the control of manipulators.
Acknowledge the physical symptoms like guilt, shame, and overwhelm that arise from this self-rejection. On the flip side, consider the limited benefits of fitting in, which often lead to inner struggle and suffering. By recognizing these costs and benefits, you pave the way for a shift towards self-empowerment and finding genuine connections.
5.2 When you decided to punish yourself?
Explore the moments when you began punishing yourself for perceived shortcomings. People pleasing often triggers guilt, overthinking, and self-blame. Recognize that self-punishment serves no constructive purpose and inhibits personal growth. Take time to reflect on the underlying reasons behind this self-imposed punishment.
Whether it manifests as unhealthy habits, like skin picking or overeating, or emerges from toxic relationships, such as abusive dynamics, acknowledge that you are not to blame. Understand that your actions were a product of your experiences and knowledge at that particular time. Work on releasing the burden of guilt and shame that has been holding you back.
5.3 Realize the power of consistency
Discover the transformative potential of consistency in breaking free from people-pleasing patterns. Once you start showing up for yourself, standing up for your beliefs, and expressing your authentic voice, it’s crucial to maintain consistency.
Consistency holds immense power in building new habits. As your awareness and self-esteem increase, embrace the strength of being consistent to rewire your subconscious mind. With time, your mind becomes more flexible, adopting confidence, self-worth, and a sense of deservingness. While it may take time, remember that your mind retains its flexibility throughout your life.
5.4 Work on underlying fears
Address and overcome any fears that underlie your people-pleasing tendencies. For instance, if you fear abandonment and rely on others for happiness, it’s essential to realize that you came into this world as an individual. Cultivate comfort in your own company, recognizing that being alone doesn’t equate to loneliness.
Embrace the empowering truth that you are enough on your own. As you become comfortable with solitude, you will naturally attract confident individuals who are also content in their own presence. Embracing this understanding will liberate you from the grip of fear and open doors to more fulfilling relationships.
5.5 use the power of your subconscious mind
Tap into the incredible power of your subconscious mind to manifest positive change. Gain a deeper understanding of how your mind operates and learn techniques to guide your subconscious towards your desired outcomes. Utilize affirmations, meditation, and various healing practices to uncover and resolve underlying fears.
These fears may have played a role in your past, but they no longer serve you in the present. As you release these limitations, you will move away from the people-pleasing persona and embrace a life of worthiness, authenticity, and self-fulfillment.
You don’t have to let the fear of rejection, failure, or loneliness hold you back any longer. With the support of our transformative RTT Hypnotherapy, you can overcome these limiting beliefs and embark on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth.
Book your Free Consultation Call today and start paving the way for a life filled with authenticity and fulfillment. Don’t let the past define your future.
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It’s time to let go of the need to please others and embrace your own happiness. Take control of your life and create meaningful connections based on genuine self-expression. Schedule your consultation now and unlock the door to a brighter, more authentic future.