Most of the people have experienced this feeling – wanting something that others have and wishing others would lack it, but only the bravest will admit the presence of this destructive emotion and work towards ultimate self-worth.
Envy is a taboo topic, that is absent in every day conversations.
Imagine you look in the window and see your neighbor just parked his new car (the make and model that you have always dreamt about). You might now admit it but inside, the feeling of envy will rise up. If you didn’t grew up in a loving nourishing abundant environment, this is what’s going to happen:
- Looking at that car rises the feeling of injustice – you feel like it’s not fair that he works less than you and makes much more money to afford a new car.
- You start to question yourself: Why don’t I have that? What is wrong with me? If I had his luck, I would have the same fortune. If I were brought in a wealthy family, I would have had the same luxuries. And the list goes on with alibis and excuses.
- Because admitting you have envy is considered to be a weakness, you start to manifest envy through other emotions – anxiety, anger, frustration, disappointment.
The outcomes here may vary – from running to the nearest dealership and buying a car that you probably didn’t even plan to buy to self-loathe and self-pity.
If you have ever experienced that, don’t blame yourself. It is absolutely not your fault that the feeling of envy is keeping you stuck in your own progress. Let’s look at the possible roots of envious attitude;
1. Childhood environment. Ask yourself these questions. Be honest with yourself, no one can hear you, no one will judge:
- Were your parents envious?
- Were they running around thriving for things that they observed from friends, coworkers or other family members?
- What were they saying about other’s successes?
- What beliefs they had about money? It is very common they unconsciously gave you those beliefs as well.
- Do you have a feeling that it is never enough? No matter how much you have, the satisfaction is very temporary and you end up wanting more (money, possessions, achievements)
- What word do you say to yourself when you see your friend getting something that you have always wanted?
2. Inability to follow your heart’s desires. Think about the following questions:
- Are you happy with your job?
- Are you satisfied with the quality of your relationship?
- Do you have time for yourself?
- What kind of people surround you?
- Do they feel envy as their common emotion?
- How do they make you feel?
- Are you living towards meeting social standards or are you living toward healthy and fulfilled life? Those two goals are different.
All these question are sometimes hard to ask yourself, but they are so important in self-analysis.
Envy is a social emotion, its core is when we start to compare ourselves with others, and it goes way back into your childhood.
But it never starts when you are born. We are born with ultimate confidence that we are enough, that there is enough of everything and anything. But somewhere on the way, we as kids start to form the belief that we actually are not enough, that something might be missing, and that ‘something’ is available to others but not to us. And when we see that, we question our confidence, our self-esteem, and our authenticity. We get hurt and this hurt manifests in envy.
So how to get rid of that feeling, how to start living your life, not someone else’s life?
First – work on accepting yourself, work on confidence. Starting from self-analysis, talk therapy, hypnotherapy, finding the root of the destructive feelings and limiting beliefs. There is only one person like you in this world – it’s YOU. So your path is unique, your growth is unique, your life in unique.
Second – start doing what you love, even if it’s something that your friends, family or your partner do not approve. Once you follow your heart, you will notice an organic selection of people you want to keep in your life and people you want to keep out of your life.
Third – do some inner work. There will always be people around us who have more or achieved more. So no matter how hard we try to mirror someone’s life, until we connect to ourselves, we will always feel not enough.
What would you choose: running all your life to match social standards, or finding yourself and enjoying authentic life, true to your unique essence?
The choice is always yours!
P.S. I want you to know that you are amazing, no matter what path to self-healing you are on, you are significant and that’s what matters the most.
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