We all want to be free of blocks, issues, stresses and limiting beliefs. Deep inside, we know that we were born absolutely happy, abundant and lovable. And many of us make real steps to healing regardless of background and past experiences.
So why it doesn’t work or if it does, the issue and the symptom comes back?
When trying to figure out why things don’t work for you, it is very important to understand if (!) the mind holds a secondary benefit for that issue.
Whether it is anxiety, panic attack, weight loss, motivation, fears and phobias, the secondary benefit will hold you back from removing the block or will make the symptom come back in the same or different form.
What is secondary benefit?
Secondary benefit is an unconscious belief that without the problem there will be more sufferings or you will need to do things that are so unfamiliar, your mind protests against it, unconsciously, of course. While, consciously, you are torn between struggles to overcome the issue and relapses into old behaviors or symptoms. You don’t know why and that makes things even more confused and complicated.
Let’s take an example (any resemblance to real person living or dead is pure coincidence):
A person wants to overcome a fear of public speaking (in front of strangers, at the meeting, conferences, and podcasts). He gets all the tools to learn the skill of public speaking. He works with a therapist to cope with stress associated with public speaking. And it goes for years and years. It gets better and worse but never really goes away. The person is frustrated and unmotivated so he just keeps sinking in self-doubt and resentment. He dreads every speech he has to do, avoids any chance of speaking in public and finds excuses to not participate. But he really wants to be free and confident.
When we go to the root cause of this fear, we can find inner child wounds, traumas, and negative experiences in expressing emotions, in being authentic. And the person understands those reasons – he goes on a healing journey but the issue never really disappears.
The best practice here is to find a secondary benefit, that same hidden agenda that his unconscious mind came up with to protect him from risks and to keep him safe.
So let’s look at these 5 proven questions to get you to the secondary benefit of any issue. Find a comfortable safe place where you can go inwards and find the answers. Think about your problem, issue or mental block. Ask yourself and answer:
1. What is it doing for you that you find comforting?
It can be a comfort of being in the safe zone. No need to risk and to put too much effort into it. Ask yourself: Why do you like to be in a comfort zone? Where will it take you if you keep playing safe? Do you enjoy playing safe as there is no risk of failure? Maybe the issue gives you more attention from the loved ones or from people around you and you fear that if you overcome it, you will not get that attention anymore.
2. If the issue is resolved, what will you have to do that you couldn’t do before?
If you lose your desired weight, for instance, how will that make you feel and are you ready for that feeling: the feeling of pride, self-confidence and ultimate self-esteem? Is it something familiar or it scare you?
3. What is your biggest fear if you overcome the problem?
Maybe you will need to put yourself out there, to be open to new relationships and to start achieving goals that seemed so farfetched. Or maybe, you will be able to scale your business and to start making money that you have never imagined having. Does that seem scary? Or maybe you will have to face the past and to start working on other mental blocks that you have put in the closet and you don’t want to deal with them. Does that scare you?
4. If the issue is not the issue anymore, what will you have to start doing that you hated doing before?
For entrepreneurs, overcoming abundance blocks means they will have to start promoting their business and scale it, to face many competitors and to develop long term marketing strategy. For people who have lost weight, they will draw more attention to themselves that might seem very scaring and unfamiliar.
5. What is hiding behind the issue that you don’t want to face?
It can be fear of failure, fear of criticism, fear acceptance, fear of being different from your friends and family, fear of success. Whatever it is, find it and work on that as well.
Now let’s be clear here – secondary benefit is an subconscious block. It is not something you know logically, it is absolutely not your fault. It has to be drawn out from your subconscious mind and dealt with, so you can start living your full potential and enjoy life at the peak performance.
P.S. I want you to know that you are amazing, no matter what path to self-healing you are on, you are significant and that’s what matters the most.
If you like self-therapy tips, follow me on Instagram where I share my knowledge about mind and body connection. You get the chance to experience profound inner changes if you follow my advices.
