Overcoming the Fear of Abandonment

Understanding the Fear of Abandonment

The fear of abandonment is one of the most profound fears we experience as humans. It often manifests as intense anxiety and worry.

Recognizing the Fear

Many people feel an overwhelming anxiety that someone might leave them. This fear can make you feel unloved and unwanted. And to not to get hurt, they push that same love away. It can lead us to feel detached from connection, inability to form close relationship. It is crucial to identify these fears, as they can impact our relationships and daily life.

Impact on Adult Life

This fear doesn’t disappear as we grow up. It follows us, affecting our relationships and work life. Even though we can survive now on our own if someone decides to part ways with us, the fear still lingers, creating unnecessary stress.

The Survival Instinct and Childhood Trauma

Our fear of abandonment is deeply rooted in our survival instinct, especially from our early years. As children, we rely on caregivers for survival. The fear of being left alone is akin to a death threat. We cling to those who care for us, striving to earn their love and attention. It’s a program that is million of years old, fighting it would be putting more stress on yourself. Working with your mind to train it for safety and security in any situation is a more beneficial way of overcoming this fear.

Childhood Strategies

Children develop strategies to avoid abandonment, such as trying to be perfect or pleasing others. These behaviours often carry into adulthood, impacting our relationships and self-esteem. When faced with potential abandonment, our body reacts as if facing a life-threatening situation. Our heart rate increases, and we feel a surge of anxiety. Manipulators and narcissists often exploit this fear. They identify and prey on those with a strong fear of abandonment. It’s not like they do it intentionally, it’s all about the energy a person with fears and low confidence puts into the world that makes it easier to manipulate them. Recognizing this pattern can help you protect yourself from toxic relationships.

Symptoms of Fear of Abandonment

The fear of abandonment manifests in various ways, impacting our ability to live authentically and peacefully. For example:

Holding Back Full Expression

One of the primary symptoms is holding back our full expression. We cannot be ourselves. This often leads to people-pleasing or striving for perfection. We try to do better, but it never feels enough. Criticism and judgment from others exacerbate this feeling. Even when we play the perfect role, it is never enough for us.

Inauthenticity and Self-Doubt

Fear of abandonment makes us act inauthentically. We may lie, hide the truth, or overthink our words, creating more anxiety and fear. We distort or numb our feelings, fearing rejection if people discover our true selves. This fear leads to a constant need for self-proof, making it hard to just be you.

Overthinking and Insomnia

Another symptom is overthinking, which can cause insomnia and nightmares. We ruminate over conversations, unable to focus on work or daily tasks. This constant mental replay prevents us from fully engaging in our lives.

Guilt and Self-Punishment

Fear of abandonment often brings immense guilt. We blame ourselves and feel the need to punish ourselves. And believe me, over 600 hundred cases in hypnotherapy sessions, I have realized, people have unlimited ways to punish themselves. This manifests as self-abandonment, where we neglect our needs and authenticity, not taking care of our mental and physical needs, not allowing ourselves happiness. We may also attract people who manipulate this fear, further deepening our guilt.

Suspicion and Jealousy

We can become suspicious and jealous, often manipulating situations or others. This suspicion can extend to retroactive jealousy, where we feel threatened by our partner’s past relationships. The strong belief here is working its way: If someone (mom, dad, partner) left me, I am not worthy of love, and that means everyone will eventually leave me. Why bother?

These feelings stem from a deep-seated fear of not being needed or wanted. Remember, people don’t abandon you, they first abandon themselves. Because when they make commitments or promises and then drop them, they betrayed their own words and values. So, abandonment is never about you really.

Uncovering the Root Causes

Understanding the root causes of fear of abandonment is crucial for healing and reclaiming our inner peace. Let’s look at some of them:

Beliefs Formed in Childhood

Our beliefs about ourselves are often formed in childhood. If you formed the belief: I am not wanted, I am not needed, or I am only loved when I am perfect etc, these beliefs don’t vanish with time. Your subconscious mind doesn’t know time, and those childhood belief become adult belief forming your reality.

While acknowledging childhood trauma is essential in forming limiting beliefs, blaming it for all your pain doesn’t lead to healing. It just leads to more anger and resentment. Instead, we must focus on changing our perception on the past and installing better beliefs.

Extreme Cases of Abandonment

Extreme cases, like parental separation or a first romantic heartbreak, can deeply impact us. Our minds store these memories, recreating them in similar future scenarios. Even slight similarities can trigger intense feelings of abandonment.

Overprotective Parents

Overprotective parents can also contribute to this fear. Helicopter parenting is another form of neglecting a child’s need for freedom and exploration. When parents make choices for their children, it can lead to a belief that abandonment is impossible, that the child will always have that security of someone making their decisions. And that leads to huge disappointments in adult life, where making strong independent decisions is crucial. When abandonment does occur, it feels more intense and harder to handle.

School Experiences

School experiences, such as bullying or being left out, can initiate this fear. We spend significant time in school, often away from our parents’ protective eyes. That’s why often teenagers will scream in rage: Mom, you don’t get me, you just don’t understand me. And that is a part of true. It is more challenging for a parent to tune into a sensitive mind of their child and to understand their pain of trying to fit in and to survive in school. As adults we grow up mostly abandoning our own feeling, let alone tuning to our child emotions.

Embarrassment Without Support

Embarrassment, especially without support, can amplify feelings of abandonment. Whether in school or at home, being embarrassed in front of others can feel like rejection. This leads to a deeper fear of being abandoned by those around us.

Neglect and Overprotection

Neglect, just like overprotection, can contribute to the fear of abandonment. Both extremes disrupt our sense of security and self-worth. Understanding these root causes helps us address and heal our fears.

To further explore and heal from the fear of abandonment, consider seeking professional help. Kate Semeniuk offers specialized RTT Hypnotherapy for Anxiety in Calgary, both in-person and online. You can also book a free consultation call to learn more about the benefits of RTT Hypnotherapy.

For those looking to start their healing journey, the Start Feeling Again course by Kate Semeniuk is a great place to begin. Additionally, the Anti-Anxiety Course dives deep into uncovering root beliefs that trigger anxiety, providing valuable insights and practices.

Healing the Fear of Abandonment

Healing the fear of abandonment requires a deep dive into our past experiences and current beliefs. It’s an ongoing journey of self-discovery and growth.

Regression Therapy

Regression therapy is a powerful tool for addressing childhood trauma. By revisiting past experiences with an adult perspective, we can reframe and heal those memories. As many healers and mental health experts say; you cannot change the past but you can look at it differently.  Feelings cannot harm us when we confront them consciously. Guided by a professional, regression therapy helps integrate these emotions and transform our understanding. Many clients find regression therapy more impactful than years of traditional therapy. It uncovers the root causes of abandonment fears and facilitates profound healing.

Self-Discovery

An essential part of healing is reconnecting with yourself. Find activities that bring you joy and fulfilment. Discover your hobbies, passions, and potential. This self-discovery builds a strong foundation of self-worth. And it also helps you meet new people, make friends and organically help you realize you are always loved and appreciated and needed. When you understand your value, the fear of abandonment diminishes. You realize that those who leave may not be meant to be in your life.

Reframing Abandonment

View abandonment as a lesson rather than a loss. Each experience can be a seed for healing and transformation. Ask yourself if those who leave are the people you want in your life. Use these moments for self-reflection and growth. By reframing abandonment, you empower yourself to see it as an opportunity for personal development. For example. Instead of saying they left me, say, we chose not to be in each other’s life. It will give you a sense of control and choice in the situation.

Hypnotherapy

Hypnotherapy is another effective method for healing the fear of abandonment. It helps you access and reprogram your subconscious mind. Under the guidance of a hypnotherapist, you can address and transform deep-seated fears.

If you’re ready to explore hypnotherapy, consider reaching out to Kate Semeniuk, who specializes in RTT Hypnotherapy for Anxiety in Calgary.

Embracing Self-Love and Self-Care

Self-love and self-care are fundamental in overcoming the fear of abandonment. They help build a resilient and confident self.

Understanding Self-Love

Self-love is about being comfortable with yourself. It’s not about external validation or appearances. While self-care activities like putting on a makeup and dressing nicely are important, true self-love is deeper. It’s about accepting and valuing yourself outside of people’s acceptance of you.

When you love yourself, you attract healthy relationships. Two complete individuals come together to co-create, not to fulfil voids.

Honesty with Yourself

Be honest about why you engage in certain self-care activities. Recognize if you’re seeking external validation or you are doing it for yourself. Honesty helps you differentiate between self-love and self-care. It reduces the pressure to meet others’ expectations. Admitting your motives allows you to focus on genuine self-love practices, like making time for yourself, setting boundaries, choosing loving connections.

Building Confidence

Confidence comes from within. Engage in activities that boost your self-esteem and self-worth. Whether it’s a hobby, a new skill, or personal achievements, find what makes you feel proud of yourself. Confidence reduces the fear of abandonment. You know your worth and can handle being alone.

Creating Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and self-sufficiency. Both partners should feel complete on their own. When you love yourself, you attract partners who also love themselves. This creates a strong, balanced relationship. Focus on building connections with those who respect and value you.

For more insights on self-love and overcoming anxiety, explore the Anti-Anxiety Course. It provides valuable practices for nurturing self-love and addressing root beliefs.

Ongoing Journey

Embracing self-love and self-care is an ongoing journey. It’s about continuous growth and self-discovery. Stay committed to your well-being. Practice self-love daily and recognize your progress. Praise yourself as it helps your subconscious mind build positive link to healing.

Join my community on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok for more tips and support.

Remember, healing the fear of abandonment starts with loving and valuing yourself. You’re worthy of love and belonging. That’s your right from birth.