Many of us can even get angry when we are told that in order to start a self healing journey, we need to forgive. Easier said than done, right? The majority of our reactions and emotions is run by ego, and ego got hurt so many times in the past. We can’t just let it all go and forgive.
By stigma, forgiving is perceived as forgetting. But since our subconscious mind doesn’t forget and does not know time, our mind has formed a conflicting belief: I want to forgive but I can’t forget.
Remember this: your mind cannot hold conflicting beliefs, it cancels them out.
What if you knew that the only key to freedom from hurt pain and anger is forgiveness? And it doesn’t matter who is at the receiving end of your forgiveness: it could be your parents, your friends, your boss or it can even be you. Negative feelings will stay as long as the anger and non-acceptance are present.
Here are common beliefs that people, who can’t forgive, still hold in their mind:
1. If I forgive, it means there is no punishment for the hurter. They will get away with it.
Truth: In reality, you can wait a lifetime for the hurter to realize their mistake. Do you have that time? Are you ready to live for years in anger and resentment? Only to end up without these magic words: I am so sorry for what I did to you.
Exercise: Close your eyes and imagine the person who has hurt you or brought you pain. Imagine, they tell you everything you want to hear – all the apologies and regrets for what they did. How would your life look like? Will you consider the conflict resolved? Will you forget what was done to you? Let me tell you this: you will not forget and yes you will feel better but the difference will not be significant enough to heal you heart. Forgiveness only happens from within you, no matter whether the hurter apologized or not. How many times you hear stories or experience yourself when after hearing apology you still hold the anger and resentment, even if the conscious mind wants to forgive?
People who hurt others are already in so much inner pain, but their strong ego doesn’t allow them to admit their mistake. So why wait for that? Holding negative beliefs towards others is like drinking a poison but waiting for someone else to get poisoned.
2. If I forget, it means that I diminish the pain and hurt that was put on me.
Truth: In reality, you will feel an immense release from the past, and the understanding that the hurter cannot control you anymore. As long as the person evokes feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, fear and terror, they will continue to have control over you and trigger you at any time, even if they are no longer alive.
Exercise: Imagine you look at the past at the painful memories from your childhood or adulthood. You remember everything that was done to you but it doesn’t affect you anymore, it doesn’t trigger you or hurt you. Imagine you change the perspective of the past events. Feel the lightness, feel the peace and the tranquility of your being. This is exactly what happens when you forgive.
You don’t forget, you become immune to the past.
How to start a forgiving journey:
- Uncover the past. Address your inner pain. You can do yourself by meditating, journaling and practicing awareness. Or you can seek support from professionals who can guide you in the direction of a healing from the past.
- Forgive yourself by accepting what happened to you but taking full responsibility for the present and the future.
- Imagine your life without the pain anger and resentment. Do you really want it? Are you ready for it? What will you do after you forgive? Do you know what to do? The life without the problem can seem so desirable but many people find it hard to navigate as the mind loves what’s familiar and will push against unfamiliar. Forgiving is an unknown area in the beginning and can be quite overwhelming. However it is the only way to step into the light.
- Stepping into someone’s shoes. Talking to the hurter can be a powerful tool in the forgiving journey. Finding out the reason and the cause for their actions can be so liberating and transformative. But what if the person who hurt you doesn’t acknowledge their mistakes? Than you can use your subconscious mind to find the answers (with the help of hypnotherapy, guided meditations and other alternative methods that work with your subconscious and unconscious mind).
The choice is always yours, whether you see it or not. As an adult, you have the privilege of choice and the luxury of options. What life do you want for yourself: living in resentment or letting go and moving on?
P.S. I want you to know that you are amazing, no matter what path to self-healing you are on, you are significant and that’s what matters the most.
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